Chasing Joey Chestnut: Practice Spots for Competitive Eaters

3198 16th St, San Francisco, CA 94103 (map)

Sometimes it seems like basic mac 'n' cheese, one of America's crowning achievements/dubious distinctions, couldn't possibly get any better. This Mission standby for happy hour and shared plates disagrees, and makes this gooey dish finger-food-friendly by breading it and deep frying it, perfect for dipping into the accompanying herb tomato vinaigrette. Great, like America needed a less-healthy, easier-to-eat version of cheesy mush.

3848 Geary Blvd, San Francisco, CA 94118 (map)

If you want to end your relationship but hate confrontation, make regular visits to this Outer Richmond game-bar for the chicken-fried bacon and eventually they'll break up with you. If you aren't trying to gain weight, don't bother coming: There are pool tables, shuffleboard, darts, arcade games, skeeball and other non-strenuous activities that don't burn any calories whatsoever.

354 11th St, San Francisco, CA 94103 (map)

This SoMa bar and restaurant takes their trailer park theme to the extreme, serving up a double-wide array of deep-fried foods and microwaved entrees alongside cocktails like vodka and grape soda. While it's hard to choose just one taste to transport yourself to twister country--and, yes, the tater tots swamped in chili and Velveeta appeal to the mullet in all of us--we're going to go for the deep-fried Twinkies, which are battered, rolled in graham crackers, deep fried, eaten and immediately regretted.

2760 24th St, San Francisco, CA 94110 (map)

Ever mopped up the maple syrup from your pancakes with a strip of bacon? Ever wished that exquisite sweet-salty combo was available in a less messy but equally fatty to-go option? Well, somebody call the cops, because this deep Mission sugar dealer's stumbled upon a combo they'll want to investigate: maple-bacon doughnuts. Fortunately, these bad boys aren't available every day; stop by Fridays and Sundays (or take your chances on weekdays) for a taste.

330 Clement St, San Francisco, CA 94118 (map)

So this may not be the biggest or fattiest among our contenders, but the cheesecake crepe at this quirky Japanese mini-mart-and-creperie on Clement Street is likely the most decadent pick, even for those with a sweet tooth. A few slices of dense, New York-style cheesecake are folded into one of the store's sweet crepes, topped with chocolate ice cream and then piled high with whipped cream. If you're on a diet, and seriously kidding yourself, swap out the ice cream for blueberry sauce.

303 Columbus Ave, San Francisco, CA 94133 (map)

Going into this Pittsburgh-themed North Beach sports bar and ordering the signature all-in-one sandwich is like being inducted into a club with members you never thought you wanted to be associated with: people from Pittsburgh. This starving-factory-worker-friendly sandwich (an homage to the monolithic sammies created by Pittsburgh's Primanti Bros.) is made with a mound of grilled meat, a slab of provolone, vinegary coleslaw and French fries squashed between two slices of Texas-cut Italian bread.

3506 16th St, San Francisco, CA 94114 (map)

There is nothing--not even the vegan options--low-fat in this already legendary Castro deli, but nothing compares to the Doomsday: roast beef, corned beef, pastrami, salami, turkey, bacon, ham, mozzarella sticks, stuffed jalapeno poppers and avocado, all slathered with Ike's signature Dirty Sauce and somehow crammed into a roll. And if life's just not worth living anymore, add beer-battered onion rings to your $15 monster sammie for another couple of bucks.