Portland >Food & Dining > Fat Albert's Breakfast Cafe
6668 SE Milwaukie Ave, Portland, OR | Directions 9720245.474590 -122.648640
Neighborhoods: Southeast Uplift Neighborhood Program, Sellwood - Moreland Improvement League
Like a Seinfeld Episode!
I was born and raised in SE Portland, right there in the Westmoreland neighborhood. I drive through these days maybe once a month and I've long wanted to have breakfast at this place. My girlfriend and I went recently.
She drove and was parking the car. I went in and was greeted at the door by a youngish woman who asked How many? I said two as I looked behind her at a small open table. She asked where my second was and I let her know she was parking the car. She said I would have to wait then and put me down on the list. I saw I was the only one on it. I was pretty surprised.
Less than 2 minutes later, an older woman who worked there tried to seat me, but the younger woman said No, the rest of his party is not here yet.
Moments later a middle-aged woman came in. The younger woman asked her How many and she said I don't know yet. She got on her phone to try to contact someone, and stepped out. She came back in right away and said she didn't know. But the younger woman working there started seating her anyway. At this pointy I was pretty puzzled so I said I was waiting for that table and was here first. She told me that my party wasn't here yet. I exclaimed that neither was this person's! She seated her anyway. It was surreal. I voiced my objection again and left.
I have No idea why I was required to have my partner with me but the next customer was not. It was like that restaraunt episode in Seinfeld, the one where they never get a table.
This place gave the Worst Service I've Experienced in Years. Incredibly rude and spiteful and weird behavior. I'll never return.
Rude staff and Child Labor; NEVER eating here again! – My husband and I always thought this place would be worth checking out, boy were we wrong! We were surprised to see 2 little girls (who looked no older than maybe 10) busing tables and taking orders! I must say I was turned off almost immediately when I saw children working in a diner, I doubt they're getting paid by the hour, but nevertheless it find it irresponsible on behalf of their parents.
The mediocre coffee was severely overpriced, at 2.50 for an 8 oz mug, and the potatoes were undercooked, not to mention missing any form of crispy outside that you usually get from roasted/pan-fried potatoes. My husband ordered biscuits and gravy, which was more like 2 soft, uncooked buns and meatless white gravy with sausage links on the side. I watched him eat it and it honestly looked like mush.
The eggs were okay (not that hard to screw up eggs, thankfully), the toast had hardly any butter on it, and I was cautious with the cream since I wasn't sure how long it had been sitting at our table before we got to it (the container was room temp).
When we paid, we found out they were cash or check only (our mistake for not checking) so my husband went to the atm to get some cash and I stayed behind (you know, like any business owner would want you to do so they know you're not planning a dine-n-dash).
"So, what, he leaves YOU as collateral?" she asks me in a condescending tone. I honestly thought we were being pretty honest by having one of us stay behind since we were already disappointed with our meal. I didn't know why it was any of her business or why she felt she could speak to me that way. Would she have preferred we both leave? Cause we would've just gone home without paying if both of us left.
He comes and pays and she is very cold to us. She counts back our change by dropping it on the table piece by piece and leaves it there for us to pick up. I've been a waitress and cashier for years, and even if the customer drops the change on your table (which we did not since we both work in the service industry and like to treat our fellow servers and cashiers with respect) you ALWAYS hand it back to the person in their hand. It's just good customer service.
Perhaps we rubbed her the wrong way with not being prepared with cash, but we did not complain about the terrible food, we didn't raise concern over children working the tables, and we didn't make a scene when we learned we'd have to grab cash at the ATM.
We were treated like TRASH by this woman and we did absolutely nothing to deserve it. We left without tipping and will never eat there again. I will never recommend this place to anyone of my friends, to do so would probably be an insult to my friends.
Fat Alberts! Full Plate is great!!! – Food so god, I have to force myself to stay away for fear of over eating and suffering massive weight gain!!!!! I love this place and find the waitstaff, quite nice! Ask for the "Full Plate"
We expect OUR people to be POLITE in this part of the world! – To the WiseGuy from 'Joisey'...
Years ago I worked in the restaurant biz, and I know what it's like to work in a tiny place that's always jumping.
Regardless of how busy a restaurant may be, there is NO EXCUSE for rude behavior and bad service. PERIOD. Those of us who are Native Portlanders have little tolerance for such behavior--and I say, sir, that it is to our credit.
Since you're from the NYC/Jersey area, no doubt you are accustomed to such behavior and even regard it as 'normal'. Too bad, I say, that the cultural necessity of civility is lost on you. Do us all a favor and keep your 'Joisey' manners and philosophy to yourself...we're not buying it here.
Delicious biscuits! – Awesome menu, great fresh food, giant delicious biscuits and homemade jam, pretty good coffee, great fruit plate. The staff really hustles to take care of the customers. I can't figure out why other reviews say they're rude - they're just super busy! I'm perfectly happy with the server who doesn't waste time small talking and gets down to business when there are people waiting.
I'm a huge fan of the veggie omelet called the "Salad Eater" that blends fresh spinach, tomatoes, onion, mushrooms and swiss cheese that comes with a side of 'home browns' and toast or biscuit.
My boyfriend usually orders the "Kim’s Fave" which features an unctuous blend of avocado and cheddar with crispy bacon. Great with salsa.
It's still my favorite breakfast spot, with a few others in a close second place.
Quit yer bitchin' – Firstly, I am not from Portland. I am from New Jersey. My brother and sister in law live in Sellwood, I usually see them once or twice a year. Even though they live closer to Bertie Lou's, I always walk further down to have my breakfast at Fat Albert's. Why ? Two reasons: great food and great atmosphere. Now I understand that I hail from a part of the country (NYC Tri-state) that many folks equate with rudeness. Maybe so, but on my numerous visits to Fat Albert's the surliness of the help was not anything out of the ordinary. I was more impressed by the hustle shown by the entire staff. It is a small place that gets really hectic but the folks there keep busting it out. Methinks that the folks who complain the loudest have never worked behind a grill or waited tables. So the next time you go to Fat Albert's, sit back and enjoy the show. It's free and entertaining as hell. And as of 3/22/10, I still stand by my review. One thing, this isn't a blanket indictment of the locals. I love Portland and look forward to coming out each year.
The service is absolutely terrible – Fat Alberts is a joke. The service is possibly the worst I have ever seen in my life. All of the old women that work there need to be highly medicated and just relax. Especially the middle aged blond one that served us. The lady was unreal. Just a snot of a human being and on top of that the food was garbage. I'm a bartender so I have a very high tolerance in terms of service industry people but jesus christ, this was terrible. The city should close this place down, mainly for harvesting the 3 witches that work there. Never going back again and I'll make it a point to tell everyone I know that this place is garbage just like the wait staff. 8^) Have a nice day you mean old sea hags!
The Best Portland has to offer – We had the most amazing breakfasts here. the eggs were light and fluffy pancakes the same. the home fries were a very pleasant change of pace. The coffee was as good as any I've ever had nice and fresh. We had walked by this restaraunt late night while visiting other places around, and happened to be in the area around breakfast so wanted to give it a try. My wife was a little leary as we had been to Fat City and she thought the were the same ownership. Not even close!! Do not pass this place up if you are there and it is open, the waitress was very congenial and topped the meal off all around.
Super busy-great food – I would say this is the best breakfast place in Sellwood. I love the location and the food is fabulous. I always have a good experience when I come here. They have good customer service and the environment is very cozy. Just be prepared for a little wait when you get there. If you don't mind waiting for a few minutes, It's all worth it in the end.
Horrible customer service – My husband and I tried to eat here one Saturday. The place was very busy and crowded. The hostess was extremely rude and had a very bad attitude. We left without eating and vowed to never return.
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